“Oh deal with it!” she said….Deal with it? Deal with it is what she shouted out in the mall with a self-satisfied smile suddenly showing on her face as she waited for the glittering approval of the population within earshot. And there were a couple of cheers from afar from those who have no idea about what the situation is, as many do when hearing such a phrase. They tend to see it as the catchphrase of the strong, defiant woman forcing her self apart from the treacherous rule of the male hand, or so it is glorified in the movies. Others looked on in a rather shocked and confused way, hoping that now, since the personal bubble of passer-by eavesdropping had broken, they waited for more loud outbursts to give them the real juice and watch for the awkward squirms of the guilty party. Let them swim in a sea of uncertainty and imaginary scenarios! They have no stake or claim to this, nor was her outburst a proof of guilt. No. No, it was a deft way of trying to, once again, wiggle her way out of personal responsibility and shame.
I was tired of this shit. And now the audience to this mall-drama was awaiting my response, my movement, my reaction. To hell with them! “Excuse me, does this involve you? The show is over, thank you for attending the Old Navy Playhouse!” Then, looking toward her, “ Your discomfort and unease does not count as an apology or an ablution of guilt. Nor does the response of the ignorant validate any claims that you may think you have.” I didn’t wait for a response before walking off. I didn’t even want one. All in all, she was an antagonist in her very nature. Even in her apologies she antagonized and shifted responsibility away from herself. If I hadn’t driven her there, I would have comfortably driven home…but this false sense of loyalty to my perpetual betrayer prevented me from doing so. It was weird to notice, for the first time, how well trained a dog I actually was. Sure, it would not prove or make better anything that transgressed nor would it make me feel any bit better, but it would have been a good sort of fuck you to her.